I know I’ve neglected this blog in favour of the immediacy and informality of Facebook, but I thought it was time I got back on here for those who avoid FB.
Not much has changed in the past six months. I’m still in pain every day, I still sleep, watch TV, stitch, play Warcraft and obsess over my cats as distractions from every day pain.
It’s my birthday on Friday and the usual week of night terrors has begun again. From my limited understanding of my psyche, these are a manifestation of grief. I still miss my Trouble Cat who died on my birthday several years ago. I suspect I will miss her for every day of my life. She was my constant furry companion for 18 years, for at least half of those it was her and I alone against the world 🙂
When I quit work in early 2011 due to Bruce the migraine, there was an overwhelming feeling that drugs or surgery would fix the issue and I’d be back in a job by my birthday. Yet another birthday is coming and that hasn’t happened. I grieve for the life I lost; the career ambitions, the financial independence, the feeling of making a difference in the world, of paying my taxes and being able to grumble about all of it.
Yet it is not all doom and gloom. Due to new meds I have been able to deal with the everyday noise of the neighbourhood without wanting to go postal on all of them. I’ve even started listening to music again, although in very small bursts, just a few minutes in the car when driving. I’m watching TV more now, instead of reading it 🙂
And of course I am still alive, the cats are all well, I’m affording the increase in my rent and still able to keep the car on the road and covering the winter heating bills. Life could be so very much worse.
I couldn’t be where I am without the support of my parents, and my close friends the Dolley’s and Stephen (all of whom keep the cats and I fed each fortnight). I was going to type fed and sane, but well sanity is over-rated 🙂
So what about the rest of you? Bring my up to date on your life – especially if you are not one I chat to on FB regularly.